Acura – 2015 RDX – Drive Like A Bitch

What is it about car commercials making our Dumb Commercials list?

We don’t personally hate cars at OPZ.  In fact we at OPZombies drive many cars and tend to find them better and more convenient than the horse-drawn carriages we used to have.  We also think that cars with more power of horses and higher torque to non-torque ratios are important and Ferrari.

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This last paragraph was brought to you as our attempt to host TopGear.

Yet, here we are again.  In the past Buick and Audi really got roused our ire and today we proudly add a Japanese manufacturer to our list.  So without further ado, why don’t we see what the gurus at Acura think sells cars:

Let’s start with the obvious: This lady is a bitch.

Listen, I don’t say that lightly and it has nothing to do with gender.  Replace the woman with a a guy in this commercial and he would be just as big of a bitch.  And to be clear, we like the “actress” who was actually just the adorable star of a viral video a couple of years back.  Which would explain this commercial if it was just capitalizing on that success with her singing in an Acura.

But of course they had to go fuck it up as some exec probably said “let’s make it about the car’s Bluetooth feature.”  Something that every other car made since 2010 has and in no way should be the predominate feature you advertise in a $35,000 car.

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Comes standard with Bluetooth connectivity.

Maybe they do things differently over there in Godzilla-land however, here in Freedom’ville, it’s pretty much accepted as not polite behavior to answer your phone and ignore the person on the other end, especially so you can finish singing your rap lyrics from the 80’s.

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In case you’re confused, like Acura, she presses the button then continues to sing, which is actually the opposite of decent human behavior.

“But OPZombies,” you protest, “maybe she didn’t know she answered the phone.”  Well if that was the case than the point of this commercial would be that Acuras have confusing controls or too many buttons.   Which would be bad marketing.  Not as bad as the commercial they put out, but still bad.

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“Oh dear, this VCR controller is just as confusing as my Acura. Where’s the button to feed my cat?”

So no, she wasn’t confused.  Acura even goes out of their way to emphasize the bitch’ish behavior by having the participants on the other end of the phone call ask out loud ‘is she really being this big of a bitch to us?’

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“So… uh…. I guess we can talk about something else while we wait…. what race are you exactly guy on the right?!”

BTW, fun fact, the man on the left (at 15 seconds in the video), without any lines or acknowledgment, is “rap legend Fab Five Freddy.”  Rap legend, for the record, is a title bestowed on anyone who cameoed in the 2008 Anne Hathaway classic, “Rachel Getting Married.”

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Photo of rap legend Rosemarie DeWitt.

We debated criticizing Acura for paying for Fab Five Freddy to cameo and then not have him speak or acknowledge him in any way.  However, we came to the conclusion that having Fab Five Freddy cameo in your car commercial is probably such an ordinary and mundane task, no one on set even noticed.

Here’s how we imagine the negotiations went:

Acura:  We’d like to inquire as to what it would cost to have Fab Five Freddy in our commer…
Fab Five Freddy’s Agent:  We’ll take it!
Acura:  But you don’t even know what we’re offerin…
Fab Five Freddy’s Agent:  Fine, we’ll take it for half of what you offered!
Acura:  But we haven’t offered anything, and btw, you sound a lot like Fab Five Freddy…
Fab Five Freddy’s “Agent”:  (Starts singing Rapture by Blondie)
Acura:  What a bitch.

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“So I just sit here, not speak, and not in any way be acknowledged that I am Fab Five Freddy? Pretty much a normal day for me.”

Two other things worth point out.  First, our main star’s bitchiness is matched only by her bad driving skills.

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“Time to my cool eyes-closed-head-shake-run-over-a-small-child patented driving dance move.”

Second, despite purposely picking the song and lyrics (in case you’re wondering it’s Rapture by Blondie) and getting Fab Five Freddy to cameo (even though he didn’t actually sing on Rapture), Acura didn’t actually like the lyrics to Rapture from Blondie.  How do we know? Because they changed the very first line from:

“Fab Five Freddie told me everybody’s high”
To
“Fab Five Freddie told me everybody’s fly”

Why would you purposely pick a song for your car commercial that you don’t like the lyrics to?  Why would you have a person who didn’t actually sing on the song cameo and not have them speak?  Why would you make the person the viewer is supposed to connect with be a total asshole?   Beats me, buy an Acura!

Speaking of which, our commercial ends with the music blaring again.  This means one of two things, either our participants got so tired of being ignored they finally hung up and our driver continued to give zero fucks; or the driver went above and beyond with her bitchy behavior and just eventually hung up on them.

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“Fuck them mixed-racial bitches, I was in a viral video, I don’t speak to anyone.”

But maybe that’s what Acura was going for.  This was clearly a commercial designed to stir the emotions of soccer moms who were alive in the 80’s and what’s more 80’s than being an asshole to everyone and everything around you?

Acura's top Salesperson

Acura’s top salesperson.